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21
May
12

ROBIN GIBB DEAD AT 62.

A major and powerful force in one of the most successful music groups of all time, Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees died May 20 at the age of 62.

I feel that this is way to young an age to pass. First it was Whitney Houston, then Donna Summer, and now Robin Gibb. I guess the old saying of “death comes in threes” is true. We feel and somewhat expect celebrities to live long or in some cases maybe forever.

But that will never happen and once in a while, death will happen to all of us. And death has come once again. Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees has passed away.

I feel that the music of my past and childhood is slowly passing away into infinity. Never to be recreated or sang again by the original person that sung that certain song that we had liked and enjoyed so very much.

Call me a romantic, a dreamer of the past, old fashion. I don’t care what you call me. But the past was much simpler than now I feel. The Bee Gees music I feel was timeless, original, not some form of a remixed song. It was joy and perfection to me.

Or maybe the sixties and seventies did finally catch up with him? Who knows… Who cares? What I care about is the fact that we have once again lost another great true talent.

How can we forget that he was part of a trio that gave up all such great music?

I for sure can’t. It’s video clips like the one above that is one of the many reason that I like YouTube. :-)

Hell… They gave us the Saturday Night Fever Movie Soundtrack!

I remember in my younger years going to the club (It was called “Spectrum.’)  that still had the actual dance floor from the movie and a small group of us got on the dance floor after we requested the DJ to play the Bee Gees song “You Should Be Dancing.” And we got on the dance floor and danced to the song just like in the video above. We danced with precision like as if we were the Radio City Rockettes all doing that dance. Granted the dance floor was short width wise but did have length. We tried our best to do so, there was eight of us, two rows of four people dancing to the song in rhythm. We all got a good kick out of it. So did the crowd as well.

I will say this much, I am glad YouTube was not around then. But I think it was a good drunken attempt at a movie dance number. That for me was one of the many fond memories that I have when I hear that song.

Robin Gibb will be missed, never forgotten and never replaced. R.I.P. Robin.

17
May
12

R.I.P. DONNA SUMMER “THE QUEEN OF DISCO.” DEAD AT THE AGE OF 63.

 

It has been said that disco died on Thursday, July 12, 1979, at Comiskey Park in Chicago, Illinois. To me that is NOT the day disco died. The day disco died is Thursday May 17, 2012.  It has been reported by TMZ that disco legend Donna Summer died this morning at the age of 63 after a battle with cancer. Summer achieved stardom with such singles as “I Feel Love,” “Love to Love You Baby”, “Last Dance”, “Hot Stuff”, and “She Works Hard for the Money”.

Personally I think Donna Summer achieved stardom with all her music. There was no way anybody could not like any of her songs. Myself I enjoyed them all. She died at so young an age, only sixty-three years old.

We think at times that famous people live forever. But reality kicks in and a person would pass away. And the shock of the news of a disco legend dies shocks us all. I remember as a young child hearing all her songs on the radio. ”I Feel Love,” “Love to Love You Baby”, “Last Dance”, “Hot Stuff”, and so on.

The song “Love to Love You Baby” I never did understand as a young child, but I just loved the song. But as I got older and realized what is was about, my first thought as was “Oh shit! It was about sex and getting your rocks off!” Oh the wonders and joy of a catholic school education. For as a kid they when through great lengths not to tell you about sex. It was “evil” and would send you to hell. The had told us.

But Donna Summer was not just about nasty, freaky disco sex songs. She made great music and had a fantastic talent. She set the bar for entertainment back in the days, “disco” you can say was her middle name.

Every song I hear from her reminds me of my childhood and the 70′s. I was just a kid, a small child way to young to go to a disco. But her music does bring back good memories for me.

She was a true star with major talent. She made a name for herself, she was a true icon. Born on December 31, 1948  and died on May 17, 2012. Way to young I feel. She will never be forgotten for disco is Donna Summer.

“Someone left a cake out in the rain.” A song lyric that anyone could instantly tell you who said it.

As a tribute to Donna Summer maybe I should be that “someone” who puts “a cake out in the rain.” Maybe we all can do that as a tribute?

Rest in peace Donna Summer, you will be missed but never forgotten. For you music was not just greatest hits they were anthems.

 

 

 

 

09
May
12

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. (SIX MONTHS AND WAITING.)

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. 

“Where others will not cross the line, the line is where I begin and cross over to start my journey.” 

SIX MONTHS AND WAITING.:

As of May 26, 2012 it will be six months since I have had my stroke. What have I been doing for the past six months? I have been dealing with bureaucracy, paperwork, health care delays, insurance issues, job bureaucracy, social workers that don’t give a rats ass about me and my current condition. Medical staff that has a “God Complex.” Arrogance, random people that put on a fake act of sympathy, or can not be bothered to listen. I am stating to feel that people will never understand what I am going through.

And that is just a small portion of a deep, dark world that we never hear about until one falls from the heights of heaven, with no warning or reason as to why this was being done to me. I had fallen on to a planet called “Earth.”

And when I had woken up from that fiery descent and rose from the ashes, I noticed my wings were burned off, bleeding and destroyed. And from then on I was forced to join the masses of thousands of human beings that were also inflicted with pain and suffering.

For life to me before this point was not exactly Heaven. But I was happy, working and getting things done. I was getting my life back together after being unemployed for over a year and a half. And then this happens to me a stroke.

Why did God (If there is such a being…) Do this to me and to others as well?

I have often wondered about this. What is God’s plan? Does he have a plan? Or is he just playing this all by ear and winging it? What is his agenda for me and the rest of the human race?

Or is this all the work of Satan?

Did I need to be striked down?

Is paradise or my concept of it lost to me? Or was I just one of Satan’s little helpers that tried to blend in with the rest of heaven and I was forced to leave?

I will never know the answer, but I often wonder what is next for me. What is my next move? What will I do now? This is all and still is new territory for me. I am still waiting for city, state and federal funding to be approved.

Yes… That is correct I am still waiting for New York state and Federal funding to come to me. Very odd how I rushed to get this all submitted within a timely fashion, but I am still waiting for the approval.

I have spent the past six months scrounging for cash to pay my bills and nearly getting by. How much long does one have to go through this? It’s a miracle that I have managed this far, but I don’t know how long I can keep going?

It’s like being lost at sea during a storm with no idea on where to go, and how to get where you want to be. But I do try to say the lease. Six months of waiting with no end in sight. That is what is feels like at times. I am glad that I am able to wake up every day, it could have been worse. I could have been dead.

But at last I am not that, thank goodness. I am just not ready to leave, not now. But this whole experience is one that I can never forget so easily. And if you never have to experience this let this be a warning on what to expect.

Seriously though… Where do I go for more help? I really have no idea and I have been trying to explore options and keep getting lost in the process. Has the American health care system gotten to a point of just paperwork and bureaucracy?  People that don’t care and so on?

When does the wait end? When will I get my funding and full support that I need? This delay in recovery should not be. But atlas it is. I would feel a whole lot better if I had some form of support. Granted there is family, but they can only do so much and I know at this point I am becoming a burden to them.

So many variables to consider. It just makes my head explode, and at times I fall into a depression that I feel that I just can’t get out of. This is what so many people do not understand because they have not lived through this.

They just shake it off like as if it’s not their problem. We have become a society of needs, wants and selfishness. Self centered, greedy and so on. When I die at my time of death, will I be remembered for who I was, or what I had become as death took me away. I often brood but I have to keep it to myself, for I become wrong for showing people and pointing out how rude they are acting. All of the sudden I am the evil, rude person, and that is so not the case.

I am still me. But I will show you how such a jerk you are, or have become. Am I wrong for correcting you? It seems so in today’s society, or am I the last of a dying breed? I have to keep telling myself that maybe this all happened to me for a reason? But what is that reason? What can happen to me after all this that can make my life better? Will I be happier?

Or is this just the next evolution in my life? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We are all raised with that quote in mind. Where is my life going now? My liberties I feel have been taken away, and the pursuit of happiness is slowly slipping away from me. That is how I am feeling.

I have been working so much to get my life to where it has been before the stroke, the last thing I want is to lose everything that I worked for.  I have to move forward, I can’t stop, some people might get offended by my actions, but at times I feel that I am left with no choice.

All I just want right now is some support, friendship and help to guide me through all this. That is all that I need, and I don’t feel that I am asking for too much.

08
May
12

DELAWARE WATER GAP NATIONAL RECREATION AREA.

During my stay at Tobyhanna, Pennsylvania I was able to travel out to the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area.

*The details mentioned below are given by Wikipedia.

“The Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area, administered by the National Park Service, preserves almost 70,000 acres (28,000 ha) of land along the Delaware River‘s New Jersey and Pennsylvania shores, stretching from the Delaware Water Gap northward almost to the New York state line. Middle Delaware National Scenic River is a designated 40-mile (64 km) section of the river entirely within the recreation area.”

And of course somewhere in the middle of all this grass, trees and nature, (and  a highway.) I was with my camera taking photos once again. I don’t get the opportunity to photograph the outdoors often, so I thought this time around to give it a try and explore another aspect of photography.

It was an adventure for me getting around the area, lots of trails and hills to navigate through. But I did manage to get around, plus it helps to drag a few friends along for help as well. But as for my first adventure in outdoor photography, I think that it went o-kay.

Then again I m my own worse critic. But you be the judge, below are some of the photos that I have taken.

The photo below reminds me of Windows XP pc wallpaper .

The photo below is a panoramic photo. Click on photo for full view.

The photo below is a close up of some of the rocks with water running over it.

If I am able to get back out to the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area again I would definitely take more photographs of the location. For it seems that the area has so much more worth exploring.

It is a good venture to explore, for anyone willing and looking to do some outdoor photography.

07
May
12

SUPER MOON LIGHTS UP THE NIGHT SKY.

This past weekend I have gone away to Tobyhanna, PA for  little rest and relaxation.

Over the weekend the “Super Moon” was scheduled to appear during my weekend stay in Pennsylvania. So of course I took the opportunity to go photograph the moon. This particular moon rise was to have a view that seems closer to the Earth than other times in the past, hence the term “Super Moon.” As well due to the extreme brightness of this particular moon rise, you can nearly make out any of the lunar craters and you would normally see during a moon rise in the night sky.

Granted the peak time to view the event was at 11:30 p.m. that Saturday night, but I was subjected to heavy cloud cover in the night sky, and was forced to wait until the clouds passed by. That had taken about an hour for the cloud cover to pass. Plus as well it was slightly raining.

But it did all pass, and I was able to get in a few shots of a very bright moon in the night sky that lit up the sky for the night. Some of the photos were taken in color and in black in white. But it did make for some good, interesting photos.

Below are some of the photos that I have taken of the event.

It has been a while since I have taken photos of the moon, or have done any photography for that matter. But it did feel good to be back out once again doing what I enjoy, capturing a moment in time.

 

23
Apr
12

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. (WAITING.)

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. 

“Where others will not cross the line, the line is where I begin and cross over to start my journey.” 

WAITING:


Waiting I feel is the worse part of dealing with a stroke. What I mean by that statement is the following. During the time of recovery one is subjected to submit paperwork, for ones current place of employment. Medical providers, insurance carriers, pay bills and so on.

And you are expected to do all this in a timely fashion.

Granted… I feel at times that there are more hours spent dealing with all the paperwork, bills and pending issues that are used, than in a normal work day.

And of course… I am not getting paid for doing this.

After rushing to get all the needed paperwork submitted on time, one ends up waiting for what seems and feels like a long time for a response. And that is my biggest gripe at the moment. Waiting for funding to get my bills paid and to have some form of cash to use on a daily basis.

Of course I did save for such an event, you know… Just encase I became unemployed or otherwise. Well… since “otherwise” happened to me, I had to use my saved funding.

That was able to hold me over for about three months, but at this point the funding is now depleted. And of course the clock is ticking.


After all we all know that the bill collectors can’t wait for the monthly bills to be paid. So we all do what we can to get by. Such as borrow from friends and family when needed. Of course everyone will get paid back, it’s just a matter of when they will get paid.

Hence once again another countdown clock ticking away.


You see where I am going with this… But all joking aside, money is needed to get by on a regular basis. For as we all know it will lead to more problems down the line if the bills don’t get paid. I often find myself thinking “what if” or “what next?” And of course the “worst case scenario” as well. I do try not to think about it that much. But it does pop into my head from time to time, that I will admit.

I am thankful for the friends that I do have that have given me support during this time, I really owe them a lot after all is said and done with this adventure.

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is just another step in my life and not the end. Hence my quote when I start the flatline chronicles post. “Where others will not cross the line, the line is where I begin and cross over to start my journey.” 

But I do keep moving on, you have to, if not. It’s like death I think. And we all know that we can’t come back from death. I just hate the “unknown.”

Not knowing what is next for me down the line since this is all new territory for me is what bothers me the most. Each day is a new discovery for me. And I say to myself that this well end and a new chapter will be written in my life.

The final outcome to my recovery is all on me, nobody else but me. Others that may be going through this may understand what I am saying, and might agree with me as well. I am open to any feedback and thoughts to this, for one can learn from all this.

Life is a learning experience, an adventure, a new chapter in a book. That is how I see it. But beyond all this and my thoughts, I still have to wait for assistance.

That is what gets me the most… All the waiting that I have to endure. I pray that I don’t have to wait longer.

08
Mar
12

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. (SENSORY OVERLOAD)

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. 

“Where others will not cross the line, the line is where I begin and cross over to start my journey.” 

SENSORY OVERLOAD:

Sensory overload (sometimes abbreviated to SO), related to Cognitive load in general, is a condition where one or more of the senses are strained and it becomes difficult to focus on the task at hand. The term is commonly (but not exclusively) used in the context of autistic/spectrum disorders, though it may appear in neurotypical children. It may be necessary for only one sense to be bombarded by stimuli to affect that sense as well as the other senses and the thinking process. The most common type occurs when more than one sense is stimulated. For example, a person might be watching television when someone comes in and asks a question; the watcher might fail to respond because he or she simply does not register it, or realizes the question has been asked but gets confused and doesn’t know whether to answer the question or concentrate on the television.”

*The definition above is from Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

“Before I go on with this post I must say that I am within my complete and fullest mental capacity at time of writing this blog post.”

Now that I had gotten my above disclaimer out-of-the-way I can continue on with what I wanted to talk about. For I did not want any of my friends or followers of my blog to think that I was having some sort of mental breakdown. :-)

And what I wanted to talk about is I guess is the “sensory overload” of all the paperwork and documentation one has to go through with the medical provider, insurance, ones place of employment and so on. That can be at times feel like a full-time job it’s self.

It’s what one can say is part of the aftermath after having a traumatic medical event that nobody tells you about. Really… Nobody is going to tell you about the loads of paperwork you have to go through. They will tell you what happened to them, they might even tell you about the recovery progress.

Or they might even tell you (or the surviving family member will tell you…) the worse case scenario if the person of subject has passed away. But nobody will tell you about all the paperwork and procedures that you will have to subject yourself with.

Granted there is city/state and local services out their that will help you with the process, but even these agencies get the information or procedure wrong. And with that said, one is left down a path that will take you in the wrong direction.

Matter of fact I had a social worker at the hospital where I was staying at for three weeks, and she really made no effort in helping me with getting services. It felt like as if her main agenda was not to provide me any help with getting services. And even after multiple discussions I had with her, she always seem to make it a point do discourage me from getting services.

The oddest point for me with her was when I asked for the appropriate paperwork to full-out to get such services with these city/state agencies. She mentioned for me that she would get that for me. After a week of not getting any sort of reply I had tracked her down for a follow-up. And asked “Do you have the paperwork  for me that I need to fill out and submit?” She told me. “I will have that for you shortly.”

She got back to me two days later, directed me into an office. Pointed me to a computer, and told me. “You can go online and research that information yourself.” And then walked away.

*”Bitch is that not your job since I am in the hospital recovering from a stroke and temporally paralyzed on the right side of my body from a stroke?!”

Granted… I have improved considerably since my hospital stay and I continue to improve with each day.

Odd but all true. In case you are wondering that person is.

Helen Katz-Golod, LMSW Social Worker for St. Luke’s Roosevelt Hospital located in New York, New York.

Let’s just say… I am giving you all a warning if you ever have to encounter her.

Now I am not being a drama queen when I said the following ”Bitch is that not your job since I am in the hospital recovering from a stroke and temporally paralyzed on the right side of my body from a stroke?!”

But lets talk about the later part of the statement above for a moment, just so you understand. “I am in the hospital recovering from a stroke and temporally paralyzed on the right side of my body from a stroke?!”

The definition of a stroke is the following.

“A stroke, also known as a cerebrovascular accident (CVA), is the rapid loss of brain function(s) due to disturbance in the blood supply to the brain. This can be due to ischemia (lack of blood flow) caused by blockage (thrombosis, arterial embolism), or a hemorrhage (leakage of blood). As a result, the affected area of the brain cannot function, which might result in an inability to move one or more limbs on one side of the body, inability to understand or formulate speech, or an inability to see one side of the visual field.”

*This definition above and image below is from Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

The above image is a CT scan of the brain showing a right-hemispheric ischemic stroke (left side of image.) The photo above is NOT my actual brain scanned image, this is only being used as an example. And to give everyone an understanding of a stroke and what exactly it is.

At one point I thought to ask the following question to my twitter followers via my Twitter account at @LUIS_CASTRO_NYC  . The question was the following.

“Question… “What do you do when you are depressed, and need to get out of that mood?” Your answer could be posted on my next blog post.”

The reason I asked this is the simple fact that dealing with such an issue can be a depressing matter. And I actually had gotten the following replies back.

“@MusclebearMike @LUIS_CASTRO_NYC I try to focus on my workouts, getting to-do lists done and reaching out to others via phone calls! it has worked 4 me.”
“@Queer Pig @LUIS_CASTRO_NYC Most people listen to music. Other like to get fucked.”
“@Thaddeus_Prime  @LUIS_CASTRO_NYC When I’m in that mood, I focus my attention to someone else by reaching out. Helping/caring for someone else usually always shifts that mood.”
I have the best followers on Twitter I think. :-) You just have to love technology and the Internet!
So overall one can say that there is a feeling of “sensory overload.” When dealing with such an issue,  and it is a lot to all take in, and can make a person feel depressed. But this is part of what one would, and could have to deal with in such an event. I will stay this much…
“You have been warned.”
22
Feb
12

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. (NEVER SAY THE “S” WORD.)

Flatline… The Stroke Chronicles.

“Where others will not cross the line, the line is where I begin and cross over to start my journey.” 

NEVER SAY THE “S” WORD.:

I know it’s been a while since my last stroke chronicle entry. I guess I needed some time to discover and put together this post.

But I have discovered something new. Sad… But all true. And that is people do treat you differently when you have  a stroke. In some ways it’s kindness, like for example. Getting onto a New York City subway train packed with people during rush hour and some total stranger gives up their seat for you.

Granted… I don’t always take the seat, not that it’s a matter of pride. Just that there are times that I rather just stand. To all the total strangers that have done so, I say “thank you” to you all. :-)

But the other truth that I want to talk about is the darker side.

That “dark side” is how some people not all granted… Just some people… Treat others.

And that side is more like ” I can’t be bothered with you and you are not worth my time.” or ” You are a problem to society since you can’t seem to function.”

Racist maybe? Could be… Or maybe ignorance? I really don’t ponder it myself.

But I have found it odd that people’s attitudes do change when they find out I had a stroke. In some cases it a “fake sorrow” of them saying for example “Oh… I am so sorry to hear that.” ore them trying to pretend that they do not see you. Like one woman who I know whose name is Miss Cox. (Yes… this is her brief moment of shame here… :-( )

But it does happen oddly enough. Granted… If people ask me what happened to my right leg (since I do have to use a cane at times to walk around…) and I say. “I was in an accident a short while back.” Then their attitudes seem much better to me.

None of that fake bull shit sorrow or trying to find a way to end a conversation quickly. Granted I am NOT looking for anyones pity or sorrow. Just show me some god dam respect! After all I was just like you before this all happened.

But oddly enough it does happen. Mind you there are times I will have a total stranger just walk up to me and say a few supportive works, and that does put a smile on my face from time to time. I mean think about it… Someone who I never meet, will never see again and does not know anything about me. Who just walks up to me during my travels and will just say a few nice words.

I find it odd in all honesty. But at the same time comforting. For there are times that one does need support in all that  they do in life.

But the oddest thing about it all is the fact that if I never mention the words ” I had a stroke.” or As I jokingly say “The S word.” Then I am treated like a normal person and not some form of burden on society. And to be totally honest here, I just find the whole experience odd for a person’s attitude can simple change just based on ones temporary health condition or situation.

I mean… God forbid it should happen to them. Then again what is that old saying?

“Karma is a bitch.” 

Have we as a society have put so much on looks and great health that we all have forgotten the less fortunate, or those that are just going through a bad period with their health, that may only be temporary and not permanent? I think we all really have to wonder about this.

Granted… This post is not a rant. If anything I am just trying to bring to light what has been kept in the dark.

Thank about it people. You really need to.

08
Jan
12

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. (THE ADJUSTMENT)

Flatline… The Stroke Chronicles.

“Where others will not cross the line, the line is where I begin and cross over to start my journey.” 

THE ADJUSTMENT:

It has been a short while from being released from the hospital. And I will admit that life in general now does seem different at the moment. It seems and feels like some things I take for granted now I have to pay more attention to such as walking outside.

For instance… On my first trip to the corner store took me about an hour round trip. Mind you under normal circumstances it should have taken me just ten minutes to go to the store and back home. But I did make it to the store and back with no problems.

And I do have to admit that the thirty or sixty seconds the city give you to cross a street before the light starts to change red feels like it’s not enough at times, but I did manage. I find myself constantly reminding myself to take an easy pace walking around and not try to rush during my travels.

Getting use to walking around with a cane is an adjustment as well, granted I don’t use the cane while at home just when I am out on the street. Before my stroke I use to be able to walk long distances, but nowadays my travels have been limited. Granted I do feel that in good time I will be able to travel long distances again via walking.

But for now I do have to limit my travels and get use to walking shorter distances. As I mentioned before this is only temporary. I just have to readjust until I fully heal, or get as close as I can to being fully healed. Also I do find myself getting tired a little sooner that normal while walking as well.

The reason I find myself getting tired in my travels is because my right leg does drag and slow me down a bit at times. But once it gets back to semi or full walking use I should do better I feel.

Overall I am trying to make the necessary adjustments to what I have to go through on a daily basis now. I do have my good day and bad day as well trying to get around. But I have found that you just can’t stop and let such a thing take over your life.

“You just can’t do so.”

You have to keep going, well… that is what I tell myself anyway. I can understand how some people could fall into depression from this. But I try to keep moving forward and not think about it. But I have to admit that I do find myself saying. “Oh… I can’t do that any more, maybe next time then”

For me there will always be a next time. I can’t let this be an end to part of my life.

That is what I have to tell myself, on some days more than others, but one day… I will no longer have to say it, all in good time of course.

After all… This is only the beginning, not the end.

01
Jan
12

THE NEW YEAR 2012.

 

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

 

 

 

 




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